Thursday, July 29, 2010

Inception Spoiler Alert

Having seen "Inception" twice in one week, it was heavily on my mind as I went out in Madison, Wisconsin. Why Wisconsin? Well, the male population around here is slim to none when it comes to marriageable material, so I packed up my fem weapons and visited my gal pals in Madison with whom I had gone to Peru with almost two years ago. They were certainly aware of my man hunt and wanted to show me what the Cheesy State had to offer, besides curds.

The night started well enough, a fish bowl here, a coke there, and on to the next bar. Our last stop was a bar much akin to one in Chapel Hill, I immediately began my fratstar search. Where there are frat guys, there is money, and where there's money, there is marriage...clearly. I dropped my number to a few guys, flirted my way around, but nothing was very promising...mostly because the only two guys I found attractive were named Justin and Dustin. Even though they didn't know each other (presumably), the rhyming names were too much. We headed home.

As is my vagabond way, I crashed on the couch at Bemily's and Buzanne's apartment (names changed so no one can stalk them). When I awoke, I was no longer on the couch but instead in what can only be described as a "Wisconsin cheese closet" (as I later texted to my friend). There was no light on and I had no idea how I got there. For those of you who have seen "Inception," this immediately startled me and made me think I was in a dream where someone was planting ideas in my head. Of course, if I had no idea how I got there, I couldn't be sleep walking, it HAD to be a dream.

I scrambled around knocking everything down as I searched for the door. I felt the knob...stuck. Complete darkness and a stuck door led to sheer panic. All I could see was the sliver of light peeking between the door and the door frame. I knew my only way out of the dream was to get through this crack and began clawing to no avail. I was NOT going to be stuck in limbo for 50 years. Especially not one in the dark without any hamburgers. I took to banging on the door.

Bemily and Bitika, as sane people would, thought some lunatic was at their front door at 5 AM and tried to ignore the banging...until it got too loud. They finally got up and went to the front door, which lucky for me, was next to the bathroom aka cheese closet I was stuck in.

As they opened the door and I breathed in the freedom of being released, they asked how long I had been in there. All I could say was "A long time..." Another factor leading to the conclusion I was in a dream: I lost track of time and a few minutes lasted hours.

Moral of the story, after watching "Inception" immediately make your own totem so an occurrence such as this does not happen to you.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Uncharted Waters: Gingers

Yesterday we celebrated Bastille Day and my friend's birthday by going out to trivia at our favorite bar. Since unemployed is still my status, trivia is quickly becoming one of my new hobbies and hopefully one that will produce a man of marriageable material. With that said, I went into the evening with high hopes of meeting a man with the perfect storm of attributes I like: dark complexion, midget, and a red-head. The last detail has been a recent interest of mine, probably stemming from having just traveled to the motherland of gingers, Ireland. Having never dated a ginger, I think it's high time I give them a try.

We sat down in the only place available, seats around the pool table that we then shared with a group of guys. The ginger immediately caught my eye. His height was undetermined, midgety qualities were not apparent but I'd make do. Since he had at least one attribute, I kept my eye on him. Towards the end of the game, he struck up a conversation that I entertained because of my good nature and secret interest in marriage.

He began by guessing my age. Immediately I thought of the circus and was even more intrigued than before. A ginger carney would be a trophy husband for sure. After his tricks, he said something about his job with General Electric, which I then kind of tuned out the details when I noted that he might also be well-off. I thought of how I would tell our children, "Yes, I'm sorry that daddy gave you the ging genes, but he seemed rich when I met him at the bar." Needless to say, I was interested.

The trivia was coming to a close as we wrongly guessed Lady Gaga's real name (I feel like I need to do some sort of penance for this obvious offense...alas..), and the ginger still hadn't made motions toward the bar, but I wasn't too worried because the chemistry outweighed this tight-wad oversight. I could tell my friends were itching to leave and were not as enthralled by his antics as I was, so we decided to leave. I stood up at my humble 5'7" but quickly realized that I had become an amazon.

Carrot top had to have been at most 5'3'' and was NOT a little person. Total deal breaker. I could tell he was a bit aghast as well, or maybe gingers just make that face, but I knew it was time for a quick exit. We bid our entertainer adieu and filed out, still single.

The one thing this interaction taught me was that I need to stand up to correctly gauge a guy's height before engaging him in conversation, especially if he does not appear to be a midget at first glance.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

My Living Situation

In attempts to assert my independence as a recent college graduate, I have up till now refused to move home permanently. In doing so, I've gotten myself in a pickle of sorts. The first few days, I bummed from friends under the guise of having to work or just to visit people. I realized this couldn't go on forever, and thus began subleasing for this month from a friend.

Seemed harmless enough since a gym membership and a pool were included and it was a steal at the price of $150 that I low-balled her at, yet it's less than ideal. I'm living with two rando dudes and thus sequestered to my room whenever I am not making my friends hang out with me.

Normally, this isn't such a big deal because I find something to occupy my time. My daily activities range from staying in bed till I don't hear their movements outside the room anymore or simply going to Target and walking around, acting like I need to buy something. However, my few encounters with the roomies have driven me to blogging.

First, one roommate is a big, black football player type guy whom I've seen once, the day I moved in two weeks ago. The other is a small white kid with quite a high voice and an affinity for cooking. My first encounter with the latter was coming in on him and his lady munching on watermelon, which I declined because our other roommate wasn't there and I think he really would have enjoyed some. My other sightings up until today have been through a crack in his door that I pass as I leave. Seems normal enough, though the girlfriend is around more than him... I really wonder what his daily life is...that is, until today.

He was going for a bike ride and let me know there is 900 miles (a fact which I highly doubt) of trails close to our apartment. I quickly responded, "Oh that should keep you busy all day." It seemed to make sense to say this but I later thought that it had undertones of me wanting him gone all day. Then after I said it, it reminded me of the time I was at the airport and the security guard looked at my ID and commented on me being newly 21 to which I responded, "Yep, fresh off of the boat!" as if that made any sense whatsoever. I think I should just stick to staying in my room so as to avoid any contact with anyone that may or may not be staying in my apartment.

There's a Harry Potter marathon on ABC Family anyway, so that should keep me busy for at least 3 days.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Swindling: Something I need to be better at

On my official second day of unemployment, I had a side hustle planned as to garner some money for the past weekend's squanders. Per usual, I signed myself up for a sesh at the EPA worth $75. Seems reasonable for coughing up sputum, right? I thought so too.

As I've been known to do in the past, I had perused the EPA website and found a general screening that I possibly might have already done that was worth a possible $75 that they might have already given me...granted it was 3 years ago this might have happened, I assumed I was due for another round. I made the appropriate calls and emails and had this baby booked 2 weeks in advance. It was like I was making a dinner reservation for my birthday; that's how on top of it I was. Needless to say, I was looking forward to this cash influx.

I got to the building 5 minutes before, my hands already itching for the cash. A French lady greets me and takes me in for a few general questions. She asks if I had participated in studies before. Me and my veteran test subject self got too cocky and told her I thought I had. I didn't think ahead and ask myself what my good friend and fellow EPA regular, Bandy (names changed to protect and help future swindlings at the EPA happen), would do (which is lie and get the money). This apparently sent up a red flag and she dialed her coworker to check the files... whoops. Who knew the EPA kept files for that long?

Unfortunately, and a good 45 minutes later, I am told I cannot participate or do anything today because my samples and results were still on file and had been labeled as "inactive" but were now changed to "active." I didn't know there was an inactive phase nor an active phase. I thought that after a year, everyone was eligible again. They should really tell you THAT instead of the possible side effects when debriefing you.

All this was told to me by another woman, who looked vaguely familiar and had an air of superiority. The French lady mentioned something about this lady cutting me a check, but was quickly put down because "well, she hasn't done anything." She told me they might need some sputum later, since I was a good producer (normally this would make me happy, but since I wasn't getting paid for my time, I was just annoyed) and I might be eligible for some blood draws. I guess that's okay.

The French lady was mega nice and promised to email me when more studies opened up or blood was needed; heck, she even gave me TWO instead of ONE parking vouchers. I suppose my next move is to sell this unused voucher to someone on the street at a reduced price that will still add money to my wallet.

Monday, July 5, 2010

First Day of True Unemployment

Well, I didn't think it would come so soon, but here it is: the first day I truly have no obligations to anything, not even my side hustles. Generally, since my first days of unemployment, I did like any other bum would do and went around spending money and traveling to visit my friends in other cities. Naturally, that had to come to an end as I realized that these friends, like normal productive citizens in America, would have to return to work and my crashing on their couches was no longer a feasible way to keep from facing the truth: I am careerless.

Since it's been a short few weeks since I graduated, I know many other people are in this boat. I didn't really have a problem as I donned my grad cap in May because I assumed someone would find me on the street and would offer me either a spot on the next America's Next Top Model season, a job as Simon Cowell's replacement, or simply $1 million. I don't really have any skills that are marketable right now, so this assumption seemed valid that life would just hand me what I deserved because the Bible says "Ask and you shall receive" but I have yet to receive a personalized invite from Tyra or Randy Jackson. Considering it's July and this has yet to happen, it might be time to do something, hence this blog.

For whoever ends up reading this, you should go to my older blogs and read them, if not, I might get so inspired that I just reblog what I already blogged there to make sure it gets some action as well. I spent the better part of this day (basically from 3 AM to 4 PM) laying in bed half asleep, I thought I'd give the public what it wanted, since life was denying me my desires, and so now I'm writing again!

This is just an intro into what I can only describe as a journey through the eyes of Melissa. I often have thoughts about life and the people I encounter, but no outlet to share them. I'll try my best to update this more than I did in Europe and at somewhat of a scheduled pace, but chances are that I won't because I'll be too busy finding kids to babysit, not brushing my teeth for $250, or playing around with the disabled. (disclaimer: theses have been my side hustles for the past 4 years and will likely continue to be as long as I have no job).

For now, just leave this with the thought that the next entry might be more entertaining.