Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Okay, Maybe Not

I did not and will not be going to Korea. It came down to a game-time decision. It was reminiscent of a game-time employment decision I made a mere 2 years ago...

To set the scene, imagine a young girl on the cusp of womanhood who only wants to make a ton of money to replace her crappy IBM with a brand new Mac. A young, Latino man offers her an opportunity. He was an elusive young chap with a penchant for sales, smoldering eyes, and a pitch she could not ignore... whoa, I may be reading too many trashy novels... The job was in sales, though the it required door-to-door sales of school books and not of her body as she does when she participate in research studies.

As I got more into the job, I realized this Latino had a novia and I wasn't going to be making money and dating him, but it was okay because the whole second semester of school, I fantasized about how much money I'd make and be throwing over my head like Richie Rich and wondered if Ben Frank or Ol' Washington would be better to wipe my face with after bathing in quarters. I was hyped, I was ready, I wanted that green staining my skin. Everyone was like, "Don't kids get school books... in school?" and "Aren't children in St. Louis illiterate?" but my thirst for book sales could not be satiated. I was going to St. Louis and that was that. I had prepared my housing for the duration of the trip, my car for the ride and my mind for a long, yet hugely monetarily satisfying summer. I was one suitcase short of out the door, when I decided to go out one night with Banna.

I was explaining my exciting new job as Banna's eyes and mouth grew open in anticipation of a rebuttal. As soon as I finished my elated explanation, Banna grabbed my arm and screamed "DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT! I did it for a week and HATED it! I'm calling this dude who hired me and convinced me to quit right now to talk to you!" Granted it was at the end of the night and we were in Bski's, the speed with which she dialed a guy I'll call "Bernie" (mostly because I forgot his name), convinced me she meant business. She handed me the phone.

Bernie was pretty inebriated, as I detected in his slurred speech, but his message was clear. As I woofed down my AKski, I listened to this kid monologue me into the fear of leaving my house. He said the following:

"Imagine yourself in a city you've never been in, doing something you don't wanna do that no one even understands why you're doing it. You know no one and don't recognize anyone except the guy who drove by delivering pizza and you swear it's the Papa. You've just knocked on 50 doors, in 30 minutes, but no one has answered a single door or let you in. The temperature is rising and you're wearing a suit to appear legit, and you can't take off the coat. You find yourself sitting on the curb with cottonmouth from the night before when you drank away your sorrows and no water in sight. You're alone...utterly alone. Your dad told you to be a man and never cry, but you start balling anyway and snot's running down your nose. And this is only the first day, not even the first hour. You're alone, forever."

Well, as you can tell, it sounded miserable. I hung up the phone and shed a tear for the poor soul I had just spoken to. For a half second, I thought, "He must just be a really bad salesman, or ugly." But Banna was there to assure me that Bernie was hot and the job was really just that bad. She also told me that she had single-handedly convinced 10 other people to quit when she realized how bad it was, which made me wonder why she didn't stay and make boatloads of money if she was that good. In any case, I was convinced this was not for me and the next day canceled my plans and got a room in Banna's house for the summer.

That summer, I ended up working at a pool and spending a lovely two months with differently-abled individuals like M'Lady (who deserves her own book full of entries). Though I spent all the money I made on liquid food, it was better than sitting on a curb crying, alone...

Maybe this experience influenced my decision about Korea. The thought of sitting on a curb (does Korea even have curbs?) crying and being the tallest person in the city, though while fulfilling my fantasy of being an Amazon queen, really did not appeal to me anymore. I'm not knocking those who are there sticking to the teaching grind, more power to you, all I gotsta say is that it isn't for me, mainly because after reading my last entry, I REALLY do not wanna become Sister Bjoan...glass eye...ew.

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